Ranma DewBlossom
by Chibi-Reaper
Summary: Remember, Ranma? The incident with the jacuzzi, a girl's school vacation, hot and cold springs and twentyfive pounds of lime green gelatin powder?
1. Prologue

Heh... heheheh...HUAHAHAHAHAH! After spending thirty hours of reading everything... and I do mean everything... that Benjamin A. Oliver has on Florestica, I, in my sleep deprived and woozy state came up with a plot theme involving Arbyfish, Ranma, two as-yet little used creations of Ben's, and moulded them all together to create... something. Odd, that is. Not sure about what's happening, it seems that my fingers have taken over and begun typing of their own volition. Losing... control... of... my... mind... Plot? What... is... Plot? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ... wOw. Did you know that when you're really tired you get to a point where everything suddenly makes perfect sense? But once you fall asleep you forget. I'm rambling. Sorry.

(The author has just been fired.)

Blinks. Hey... you can't do that, can you?

(Beginning story now.)

Hey, wait! I'm not done randomly typing every thought that crosses my mind yet! Nooooooooo...

xxx

Ranma DewBlossom

xxx

"I've found you."

"..."

"I've been looking... since then. Why?"

"..."

"I rescued you... for my own selfish reasons of course. The entirety of my actions back then were based upon a long reaching and complex plan of my own devising... one that would have far reaching and lasting consequences that would inevetably fall out in my favor."

"Oh? And what are they?"

"... I forgot."

(a soft giggle)

"Maybe you aren't really as bad as you make yourself out to be, and just felt like helping out a friend in need?"

"... Mind your tongue. We aren't friends. I simply have no reason or motivation to kill you at the moment. Careful you don't change that."

"..."

Another soft giggle pierces the silence.

"In any case... I have plans and plots to attend to. Care to join me?"

"Sounds like fun, Brucie."

"... Don't call me that. Ever."

"Awww... but I like it Brucie-chan."

"..."

A long suffering sigh punctuates the silence.

"So what are we plotting?"

"_We_ are plotting nothing. _I_ am attempting to discover something about the First one."

"Then why did you spend all that time looking for me?"

"To make sure you were... To ensure that my all facets of my plot went smoothly. I have a perfect track record to maintain."

"... I think it's cute when you try to convince yourself of something."

"..."

If you listened hard enough, you might hear someone smiling.

"The First One is a difficult being to fathom. To give his life for such an undignified species as humans. Hairless apes. Why? This question plagues me considerably. To die... I tried it once. It wasn't easy to do, and the experience was not pleasant. What is so special about Humans, to drive the First One to such lengths?"

"... I suppose you could try being one for a while, and see if you learn something that way?"

"To lower myself to such an undignified form... the very idea is repugnant. But if it is the only way to understand the First Ones motives... For a time, I might shelve my disgust."

"Yay! Humans have the prettiest clothes!"

"... You try my patience Ribbons."

xxx

A wrinkle in space-time, a tear in the fabric of reality, courtesy of several purple and black clanmembers that Bruce had coerced, blackmailed, and otherwhise forced into cooperation, yawned into momentary existence to spit out two beings clothed in white and pink light respectively.

The tear mended itself and the glow slowly faded, revealing two apparent humans. One male, with white hair and clothes, and one female, with pink hair and a matching sundress. The man's eyes were red, like firelight reflected off rubies, and the pink haired maiden's blue eyes seemed to shimmer of their own volition.

Bruce attempted to float forward, only to stumble when his upper body moved forward but his feet remained firmly planted upon earth, leaving him sprawling face-first in the dirt. Ribbons giggled, but noticably spent a moment to analyze her new limbs before attempting motion. Bruce spat out a mouthful of grass and, after a few failed attempts, managed to rise to his feet.

"...We... NEVER... speak of this. Ever. Agreed?"

Ribbons answer was a giggle as she twirled around, obviously appreciating the dress she was wearing.

"Of course..." Bruce pulled a switchblade out of nowhere and twirled it rapidly around his fingers in motions that should be impossible for a being that had until recently only registered fingers absently as 'those things the hairless apes have on the things on the end of their flippers.' "This is quite fun. And I admit that despite the ignominity of this body and that my true form is far superior... I could never manage a feat like this with flippers."

xxx

Genma was searching for his lost(fled) son who had wandered away from his loving father(slipped off while his father was sleeping after he'd realized that Genma had decided to up the ante of the Neko-Ken by adding the cubs of larger felines, such as lions and tigers, and was considering acquiring fully grown specimens for the sake of forcing his son to master the technique). Why if his poor mother knew what was going on, she'd be so worried, she would probably burst into spontaneous tears at the thought of the boy running off like that(but not before she'd provided such much needed ventilation to parts of him that were never meant to see daylight, such as the spleen, by means of a very sharp katana). The thought spurred him on to even greater lengths... there was nothing the man would not do for the sake of keeping his hide intact.

Sadly, He'd taught his son how to lay false trails far too well, and by the time he realized he'd been following one it had begun to get dark, leaving him lost and shocked that his meal ticket had well and truly given him the slip.

xxx

Ribbons blinked as she glanced down into a bush. Long unused skills that her companion had painstakingly pounded into her head... as part of some extremely complicated plan that for some reason did not involve eliminating her right this moment... began working overtime.

"Brucie... You want to understand humans better right?"

"In order to understand just why the First One would sacrifice himself for a pack of hairless apes... yes, a better understanding of Humans would be neccessary."

Hook. "Humans invest a lot of time and energy in raising their little snots... I wonder why they do that?"

"Indeed, it is an odd thought. We are perfectly capable of sustaining ourselves immedieately after the first stage of development. Such behavior in humans seems inefficient."

Line. "So why not try it out, and see firsthand? In the extremely low chance that a human snot could be found without its own guardians and alone in the next few minutes. Otherwise forget about it."

Bruce paused, sensing a trap somewhere, but was for some reason incapable of determining where and what it was, so as to avoid it properly. He blinked and realized that Ribbons was waiting for an answer. So he did, never considering that it could be the Pink that was laying the trap.

"I suppose that, if a suitable snot could be found within the next few minutes, out here in the middle of nowhere, with no adult apes to lay claim to it, then yes, such an experiment may well be performed. But the chances of that happening are..."

And sinker. "Yay!" Ribbons cried, immediately stooping down and snatching up something from under a bush. Bruce began to feel a very dark sense of foreboding, as though the universe were sniggering at him and saying 'I told you so'.

"I'm... not going to care much for what you're about to show me, are I?"

Ribbons just beamed and turned, proudly displaying the human mucus... child, Bruce reminded himself, the entire point of this exercise was to understand humans better, and part of that was thinking like a human. Naturally, he hadn't actually planned on having to go through with his words, and had it been anyone else he would have simply buried a switchblade in the human s... child's skull and been done with it. However... he found himself strangely unwilling to do such with Ribbons present, for some reason. He could of course do whatever he pleased, but chose instead to humor her in order to lay the groundwork for a scheme of world domination that he would implement... eventually.

That did not, however, keep him from sighing heavily and grimacing.

"I suppose that, lest I be branded a liar, you can..." he winced for some reason and inexplicably changed his phrasing at Ribbons' soft frown "...WE can... perform this experiment, to gain a deeper knowledge of humans."

While Bruce began rationalizing to himself, Ribbons smiled down at the child... little boy... and ran her fingers through its... his... black hair. She considered for a moment, then smiled and pulled out a length of string to tie its hair with. A little pigtail... SO CUTE!

xxx

A.N.

Through the haze of sleep-deprivation I can dimly note how stupid the entire idea behind this really is but... I'm just to tired to care. I keep getting the feeling I've forgotten to do something though... It'll come to me... or maybe not... probably wasn't important then anyway.

So, yeah, a Ranma raised by a white and a pink arbyfish... can you say 'mood swings'? Oh yeah... stupid or not, this is going to be FUN to write. One minute he's all calm and happy and shit and the next he's a megalomaniac plotting world domination. Hahahahahah... excuse me while I go fall over.

And actually, I did have the next chapter for Zombies harem done, but my computer ate it and I have to start all over again. So the people who have been begging for an update will have to wait just a little while longer. Sorry.


	2. Chapter 1

Ranma Dewblossom

Chapter one.

xxx

Genma grimaced as he glanced back at his child. It had taken him almost a year and a half to find him after he'd run off as a child. Actually... he hadn't really found him. It was just that one day, while he was on his desperate search through the countryside of Japan, he'd woken up and his son was back in camp, calmly preparing breakfast.

Even so, after the trouble it had been to attempt to track the boy down in the first place, even though he hadn't actually found him, he'd been more than happy to agree not to continue the Neko-ken training. After all, while the boy was gone, he'd flipped through the manual again, to refresh on some of the finer points of the technique, and realized that two of the pages were stuck together. After reading the warning on those pages, he hadn't intended to continue the training anyway.

The odd thing was, the boy seemed a little... different now. Every so often, Genma would catch him talking to thin air, having conversations with invisible friends or something like that, and his personality... had gone somewhat haywire to be frank. Most of the time he was normal, but sometimes a vapid smile would cover his face and he would start picking flowers and humming sweetly under his breath. Occasionally he would dance. Once, he had tried to interrupt these strange rituals, and for his troubles he had been beaten into submission with a large pink hammer. With daisies and a smily face painted on. And spikes. More disturbing, Ranma hadn't lost the vapid smile the entire time. From that point on, Genma had ceased interfering. Other times, his aura would suddenly go dark and he would begin brooding with a scowl while, of all things, knitting. Where he had picked up that particular skill, Genma had no clue. Once, curious, he'd asked what his son was thinking about, and, still knitting, Ranma had detailed a multi-stage plan to conquer Japan and use it as a stepping stone for WORLD DOMINATION. He'd finished off with threats of death, mutilation, and worse if Genma should reveal, in _any_ way, any part of this plan. The sad thing was, it was actually well thought-out, and seemed like it would work. Suddenly, instead of an easily manipulated meal ticket, he had an apparently schizophrenic child that could really, _really_ scare him on occasion. He cursed bitterly as he recalled that side effects of that technique could include insanity, but they'd never specified what kind of insanity.

For all he knew this could be his fault.

He shivered as the rain clouds overhead suddenly broke, releasing more than enough cold water to activate both his and his son's curses. On reflection, _that _was actually a pretty dumb idea too. Perhaps he should have learned how to read a little bit of chinese before going to a training site that was labeled in Japanese as 'extremely dangerous' and 'Avoid at All Costs.' How was he supposed to know that he shouldn't have gone there.

He shivered and tried desperately to control his unease as his son's, now daughter's, neutral gaze suddenly became malevolent and one hand slid into the pocket that he knew had a switchblade in it. Genma reflexibly rubbed a patch of fur on his throat, concealing a small scar, and Ranma-chan smirked. Ever since... that incident... he'd been wary of falling asleep before his son did. Thankfully, his son was a heavier sleeper than he was, meaning that Genma always awoke first as well. He had also learned his lesson about morning training... as long as he was allowed to waken by himself, his son would come to in his neutral, or occasionally even his happy personality. Genma paused that line of thought to consider. Happy... wasn't quite the best word for it. More like... cheery? Saccharine sweet? ... Pinkish, maybe? Something like that. But if the boy was wakened forcefully... as he had gained several new scars discovering... he went directly to his... other... personality.

Genma-panda shivered heavily, and Ranma released the switchblade in her pocket as her face went neutral once more. They would be at Tendo's soon... he just hoped his son would take the news well.

xxx

Unseen by everyone, Bruce was sitting on Ranma's left shoulder, and Ribbons was sitting on the right. They had long since grown weary of their human forms and taken up their true bodies, but Bruce had decided to continue the expiriment with Ranma. They allowed him to see them, none else. Should the situation arise, they could disguise themselves as humans once more, but for now the pink and white beings were happy to remain in their true forms. Bruce quickly recapped a little of what he'd learned.

From what he gathered, human children tended to either pattern themselves against someone they liked intensly, or in the case of Ranma, pattern themselves directly opposite to someone they disliked just as intensly. After discovering that, he'd privately been flattered when the boy took up knitting... although he'd been rather disconcerted the first time he'd joined Ribbons in dancing through a field of flowers. Obviously they had both imprinted heavily on the boy.

Bruce ignored the light rainfall as he continued whispering things into Ranma's ear. Not that he actually intended to talk him into killing his birth father... in public... but it was fun to watch the big stupid animal squirm. His idiocy truly grated on Bruce's nerves. To torture your young was one thing, and acceptable to a point, but typically a decent reason was expected if you were to totally destroy their life. All the panda ape wanted was to lazily feast of its youngs efforts. So shortsighted... That was his only longterm goal, and it was vague and poorly planned at best. Not to mention how stupid it was to torture his spawn in such ways if his only plan involved living off its efforts. That was counterproductive at best.

Humans were proving more and more fascinating with every discovery... he was beginning to get a faint glimmer of the First's motives.

Ribbons smiled. Down this street alone, she saw four candy shops, two flower shops and a lingerie boutique.

She blinked, wondering why she'd noticed that last one.

xxx

There was a knock at the door, reprieving Soun from the mutilation that was promised to him in his daughter's eyes. Perhaps springing this on them so suddenly wasn't such a good idea at all. He rushed to the door, leaving his daughters to stew... and immediately rushed back, just ahead of a large panda.

"This... is your old friend, daddy? A panda!?"

Soun rapidly shook his head, indicating a negative response. It would be a moment before he remembered how to talk.

"Oh... so this PANDA just happens to have decided to walk into our home, sit itself down at our table, and... ask for a... cup of hot water?"

Everyone stared at the panda, who had indeed pulled a wooden sign from somewhere with writing asking for just that.

"Hmph. Foolish old man."

Everyone paused to note the boy... raven haired and exceedingly handsome... that had just entered the room and dumped steaming water from a thermos onto the panda's head.

Everyone took a moment to reboot their mental processess as the panda was replaced by a balding, sneaky looking old man in a white gi. Ranma, his face neutral and unchanged at the display, tossed the thermos to land next to the pack he'd brought in and set down before turning to Soun.

"The rain outside... it is very cold. Would you mind terribly to allow a weary traveler use of your furo?"

"Uh... sure... go... go right ahead." Soun was still somewhat dazed and shocked, and his daughters seemed paralyzed. Genma just grunted and made to follow Ranma to the furo, recieving a fist between the eyes for his troubles.

"Did I say you could join me, old fool? Ask for yourself, and wait for me to finish. I will not suffer your prescence a moment longer than necessary."

Genma grunted and sat himself back down. For a moment, he'd considered pushing the issue... but Ranma had begun to frown. For the sake of his skin, which bore far too many scars already, he would leave the boy to his own devices. This would give him a chance to explain some things to Tendo, after all. He'd hate it if his old friend managed to get himself killed over something stupid.

Unnoticed, an invisible figure set itself on top of the shelf, knitting, and carefully listening to everything said. After a moment, when the apes came out of their stupor, he recieved a great deal more information than he'd anticipated. Eventually the conversation degenerated into idle chit-chat and he put away his latest project to go let the snot know what the panda ape was planning. Only then did he realize that he'd left him alone with Ribbons.

He redoubled his pace, but sadly once he entered the furo the boy was already grinning vapidly and discussing his favorite candies with Ribbons.

"Chocolate is yummier."

"But I like lollipops. Chocolate melts and makes such a mess."

"Licking it off is part of the fun."

"Oh... Chocolate flavored lollipops!"

"Yay!"

Bruce resigned himself to beating his head against the wall and waiting for the snot to regain enough brain matter to be able to comprehend anything he had to say.

xxx

Down in the living room, Soun and Genma were going over the plan one more time, as the daughters tried desperately to ignore their idiocy.

"Now remember Tendo... catching him in the right emotional state is important. If he's smiling or giggling, he should be easy to convince. If he doesn't look happy or sad, make a big deal of family honor and how it's his duty to join our schools. It might take some effort, but we'll be able to keep him from dismissing the idea out of hand. If he's frowning or, kami forbid, seems truly upset with the idea then drop it. Let him take over the conversation and steer it in the way he wants it to go. If he's upset... we wait for another chance to broach the subject to him."

Soun nodded.

"... I think I understand, Saotome. But... surely by now you have a firm enough grasp on your son that you can simply order him to marry one of my daughters?"

"... One more thing, Tendo. If you value your life... never allow him to hear you refer to him as my son. Or as a Saotome for that matter... Only refer to him as Ranma. Else... you could make the boy upset. An upset Ranma... it is best to treat him like we did the Master when he was in a bad mood."

Soun paled.

"That bad?"

"Worse at times. Our only chance is to convince him to agree without upsetting him. Use the family honor card, but try to be subtle about it."

A sweat drop appeared on the girls heads as they worked something out, but their father ignored the implications. If Ranma didn't classify himself as a Saotome or Genma's son, how would pressing family honor on him if he seemed reluctant matter? If he didn't think of himself as a Saotome, he could care less about what his actions did to tarnish that families name.

"Shh! He's coming! Remember, the plan!"

Ranma stepped down the stairs, face calm and neutral. Thankfully, Ribbons had left to see if she could find a place that sold chocolate flavored lollipop rose bouquets, giving Ranma enough time to come out of it and for his I.Q. to return to a fascimile of normal before leaving the furo.

"Ranma! Soun and I would like to talk to you about..."

"No."

The two men paused, their plan of attack preemptively countered.

"No? No what?"

Bruce invisibly scowled at the stupidity of the ape panda.

"You've forgotten already, old fool? My senses are much more attuned than most humans. I heard every word of your little plan, and the answer is no."

"But... but... the schools... honor... joined... must..."

"PLEASE! At least allow me to introduce you to my daughters! Waaah!"

Ranma's eye twitched. He hated it when people started crying. It gave him a terrible urge to put the poor bastards out of their misery. Genma noticed it and began sweating nervously.

"My eldest daughter, Kasumi. Age nineteen, an excellent homemaker, and a closet nymphomaniac."

"Oh... Oh my... Father... that was supposed to be a secret."

Soun ignored her and moved on to the next girl.

"My youngest daughter, Nabiki. Age seventeen, and she's secretly into bondage and fetishism."

Nabiki blinked, obviously shocked that anyone had learned of her little hobbies.

"Choose whichever you please."

Ranma arched an eyebrow, Bruce blinked, and Genma stopped quaking in fear for long enough to glance at the third, unmentioned girl, who tried to make herself invisible what with two people looking directly at her.

"What about her?"

"Who?... oh... her. That... is my adopted daughter, Hotaru. Age fifteen. You don't want her."

Ranma openly frowned, causing Genma to mentally beg for forgiveness from the kami.

"Don't I? Do not presume that you know better than I what my own desires are. Cross me, and once I have conquered this pathetic mudball, I will have you publicly executed. What If I do choose her? What then."

If he'd had hands at the moment, Bruce would have palmed his face. He was uncertain how it had happened, but now, for whatever reason, the snot and the mustachioed ape had reversed position. The only question now was how long it would take the ape to realize that and use it to his advantage. Fortunately, he associated with the dumb ape, so it might be a while.

"IF you were to make such a foolish decision? Don't make me laugh. I'll not allow it. You will marry Kasumi or Nabiki. Hotaru is out of the question. Kasumi or Nabiki. Pick."

"I refuse. You have no right to dictate my actions. I choose Hotaru. Take THAT! What do you say now, old man?"

Soun drew himself up straight and tall, and engaged in a staring match with the very upset boy. After a minute he was shivering lightly. After another he was barely containing his urge to run and hide. A few seconds more and he slumped, turning his head to the side, and sighed.

"Very well... I'd much prefer it if you chose one of my real daughters, rather than... her... but it seems you won't be swayed to reason. Excuse me. I must bathe."

Soun stood up and left, a blinking and shocked Genma close behind.

"Heh. I showed... him..."

Slowly, the smirk on Ranma's face faded, turning swiftly into a scowl as he was glomped by a weeping Hotaru, who was babbling nonsense. Slowly he turned a glare towards the door Soun had left through that, by all rights, should have set the thing on fire. He'd changed his mind. Public execution was too good for that trickster. He would have him used for dangerous and unstable experiments for a few decades and _then_ have whatever was left of him publicly burned at the stake. Someone who could manipulate him that easily could not be allowed to live.

"...and I would get beat up at school, and uncle Soun hates me because he thinks I made my real daddy commit suicide to bring me back, and daddy was his favorite brother, and, and..."

The girl degenerated into quiet whimpering once more, and Ranma grimaced and focused on quietly attempting to convince her to stop crying.

xxx

"Tendo... that... that... THAT WAS PURE GENIUS! I've never seen anyone trick my son like that before! I'd suggest writing a will, but I know people that would be impressed enough at that feat to give you a funeral worthy of the emperor himself, and I promise to get in touch with them."

Soun shivered lightly for no apparent reason, but blinked.

"... What are you talking about Saotome?"

"The way you tricked Ranma into marrying your adopted daughter... The MASTER couldn't have managed better. I just hope you have nothing left to live for..."

"Trick? I don't get it."

"Ranma was ready to just walk out until you tricked him! Granted the girl is adopted but half a cake is better than none!"

Slowly, comprehension dawned in Souns eyes, and they went glassy and cold.

"Oh. That. That was no trick. I truly was trying to look out for your son. It's not my fault that he's so stubborn. Give him some time. When he finds out what she is, he'll be begging to have the engagement switched to one of my daughters."

Genma still looked confused, so Soun sighed and sat down at the Shogi table, taking a long drag of Sake before he began to explain.

xxx

"You recall my younger brother Souichiro? I recall he was something of a nerd in school. He didn't get along well with most of the family, what with him focusing on mental pursuits rather than physical. Eventually, he got thrown out of the clan. Changed his last name to Tomoe.

I never had a problem with him though, and he was smart enough that even though he wasn't a martial artist he could help me devise techniques. I'd never have managed to perfect the 'Demon head' to affect my whole body without his help. He was best man at my wedding.

After I was married, my wife, Sakura, had two children. Kasumi and Nabiki. She had just become pregnant with a third when I recieved a postcard that Souichiro was getting married. I was best man at his wedding. Six months later, he attended the funeral for my wife... and our unborn daughter. I would have named her Akane. Those days were terrible for me, but my brother's help let me pull through for my daughters. A few months later, his daughter was born but... his wife began to take ill, and died soon after. It was my turn then, to keep the bereaved man healthy and keep his daughter alive.

A few years later, neither of us could bear the thought of trying to find another wife so we made an oath. That should anything happen to us, the other would take care of their children. A few months later...

Tomoe had gotten himself his own personal laboratory, but every so often he had to do experiments with dangerous substances for the JSDF... there was a problem with one of them. He survived the explosion but his daughter, who'd chosen that day to visit her daddies lab, panicked and rushed into the room. The ventilation from the door opening probably saved Tomoe's life, but his daughter inhaled a lungful of toxic gases. She died shortly afterward.

Once again I tried to comfort the bereaved man but... he was different. It was like he had nothing left to live for and didn't care who knew. That night... Hotaru woke up in the morgue. The coroner nearly had a heart attack, but managed to inform his employers of the incident. They decided it was a miracle. They tried to contact Tomoe only to find that he didn't have a home phone, then they contacted me. I was so happy for him... I left Hotaru with my daughters and went with them to tell him the good news.

What I found in my brother's house... what he'd done to himself... I feel queasy at just the memories. It was ruled as a suicide, caused by grief, but the scientists that looked at him managed to figure out the exact time of Souichiro's death. To the second, it matched when Hotaru had returned to life.

I... I'd known that such things were possible... just from seeing some of the things the master did I'd have known. I'd known that he knew too, and that he would... meddle with some things now and again. 'To better understand it', or so he claimed. I... I'd never... thought he would do something like that though. At first, I decided that the girl had nothing to do with it. I took her into my home, treated her as my own daughter for a time.

But...

After a while, she seemed... odd. She was much weaker than she was supposed to be, and I'd considered martial arts to cure that but... things happened. Kasumi wasn't paying attention when she washed some dishes, she accidentally slashed her hand open to the bone and started screaming. I panicked when I looked in and found her bleeding all over the place and ran to the phone, but before I could call for help the screams stopped. I panicked again and rushed back. There was still blood everywhere, but Hotaru was off to the side and Kasumi was smiling as she explained that Hotaru had 'fixed her boo-boo'. I took a look at her hand. There wasn't even a scar.

There were a few more isolated incidences of it... I never caught her at it myself. I checked her ki myself. Brought her to several prominent spiritualists, some old acquaintances I made when the Master dragged us all over the place, some of Tomoes acquaintance. All of them said generally the same thing. Whatever she is... it's not human. Tomoe sacraficed his life to bring his daughter back... its legally registered as his daughter, it looks like his daughter, acted like his daughter, it may even think it's his daughter... but whatever he brought back wasn't his daughter. As such, I'm under no obligation to treat it like it is."

xxx

Genma sweatdropped as Soun's long-winded explanation drew to a close, fascinated that the man had been able to say so much without having to stop to breath more than twice. Once he'd gotten over that, he began to seriously question his old friend's sanity. The daughter of his own brother, that he'd been entrusted to raise as his own, subconcsiously knew a single healing spell and he shunned and despised her. His old friend, who had an _extremely_ potent chinese curse on him all of a sudden, didn't garner more than a moment of shock He didn't really care to find out what would happen when he realized his son was cursed as well... or about his son's own 'oddities'. So the girl might not be completely human... apparently his old friend had forgotten all about the benevolent non-human entities they'd met in their youth, in favor of vividly recalling the decidedly malevolent. Deep in his mind, Genma was already planning another training trip... perhaps dragging the poor girl along with them. Joining the schools was seeming a less and less attractive prospect by the second.

xxx

A.N.

Wow. This is way different from what I'd intended at the start of the chapter. Nevertheless, after re-reading it a few times, I actually like it. I'd intended to write a Ranma/Hotaru matchup, so this takes care of it. Actually, making Souichiro Tomoe and Soun Tendo brothers works too... From what I understand, Hotaru has that 'Mistress Nine' thing locked up in her soul too... I think that would affect her ki somewhat. Possibly enough to mistake her as something other than human.

I'm probably going to mess all sort of other shit up too. Like, it might not be Shampoo who's the obligatory Amazon, Saffron... might just be the Queen of Ho'o, There may be people stolen from other series. Not sure yet.

And there will be no Akane in this fic. Hmm... What'll I do with Ryoga and Kuno then? I wonder...


	3. Chapter 2

Ranma DewBlossom

Chapter Two

xxx

Ranma glanced down to the sleeping girl, clinging tightly to his chest. There had been _a_ guest room... but for some time Genma had been extremely wary of sleeping near him. Hypocrite. Perfectly all right for him to awaken his student by kicking him off the edge of a cliff... but not for the student to return the favor, albeit rather more lethally? Absurd. So what if he'd decided to awaken Genma at near one in the morning? When he came to power he would make assassins a legal occupation again. The ninja he'd met would be pleased.

He considered leaving the room to sleep elswhere, but the second he'd wormed his way out of the girls surprisingly tight grip she'd begun to toss and turn, obviously sinking into the depths of a nightmare. He'd had to return to her bed to keep her quiet. He'd not expected this. With Genma refusing to stay in the same room as his student, Soun had coldly offered Ranma the choice of sleeping in Hotaru's room, or in a tent outside. He'd very nearly opted for the tent... it would have been little different from what he could remember for most of his life... but tears had begun to gather in the corner of the girls eyes. There was only one way to solve such a predicament.

Unfortunately, he happened to be wearing his blue shirt instead of the red one, and didn't care for getting blood all over it. So he had gone with the next best thing and agreed to share Hotaru's room. Soun had given him a cold sneer, but capitulated. He was beginning to get the idea that perhaps Soun hadn't been trying so much to manipulate him as he'd thought. No matter. He'd already placed his name and punishment into his little blue book. He'd wanted a black one but Megalomaniacal Fiends R Us had sold out and only had dark blue in stock. His punishment was already decided.

Genma had seemed nervous, probably trying to decide whether or not Ranma would end up killing the girl in the night, but relaxed as he quietly reassured the girl, who apparently had a _severe_ inferiority complex, that he wasn't about to reject her like that. How sleeping in a tent instead of her bed was a rejection, he had no clue, but it kept the girl from crying and she'd been perfectly chaste before dropping off, treating him more as a large, warm 'teddy bear' than a possible... playmate. Though something told him that if he'd been inclined to 'play', then she'd have been more than happy to oblige.

He beat that thought to death before drifting off. She was only fifteen. Granted, so was he, despite the fact that he looked older, but that wasn't the point. The calm and rational debate in his mind continued until he fell asleep, unaware of the things in store for him in the morning.

xxx

"School?"

Genma flinched. The question had been posed in a calm and rational voice, but the owner of the voice in question had begun to emit a dark colored aura and had withdrawn a half-finished glove from within his clothes, knitting patiently.

"Y... y-yes... s-s-school... We'll be here for a little while, and, and, and, I thought..."

"You thought? How rare. But for once you've come up with a good idea. Knowledge is power. The correct classes could increase my current knowledge exponentially, thus placing me that much closer to the fulfillment of my goals. Remind me to think up a suitable reward for you... perhaps a position of some power, after the take-over."

Genma nearly fainted in relief.

"Y... yes, I... I thought something like that too."

Naturally he hadn't, but when his son got into one of his 'moods' it was best simply to agree with whatever he had to say. Somewhat like the master, except that his son had none of the master's few exploitable weaknessess.

Kasumi entered the room, carrying a large platter full of breakfast. Ranma's dark aura and scowl instantly evaporated, along with his knitting project, to be replaced with a vapid smile and an aura that made his teeth hurt to look at, for a moment he was sure he saw daisies and rose petals drifting through it, as she set the veritable feast upon the table.

"Oooh... it smells soo good and looks sooooo yummy! Can I have some now, Kasumi-chan? PLEEASE?"

... Well, yeah, there was that. Ranma had no problem using girlish wiles in this state... regardless of the fact of his current gender. While disturbing at times, it actually worked far more often than you'd expect. Even when he was a guy... though a couple of those shopkeepers _had_ looked rather more feminine than most, and seemed to blush more when it was otoko-Ranma making the rounds... hmm.

"It's the same school that Hotaru and I go to..." Nabiki finished her plateful suspiciously quickly. "Want me to walk you there?"

Ranma appeared to consider the offer for a moment as he savored the delightful meal.

"No. I'll wait for Hotaru-chan."

Nabiki mentally scowled. He may not have chosen her... but he had too good a body to simply let pass by. If he'd been in the tent last night like she'd expected, she and Kasumi could have double-teamed him and easily 'convinced' him to switch the engagement to one of them. Neither of them had expected him to agree to stay in her room... She grumbled internally and shifted her hips. Now he was avoiding her plan to drag him into an alley and have some of her other 'slaves' hold him down while she... she broke of the line of thought, concentrating on just how much leather panties _chafed_. Couldn't be caught blushing at the breakfast table... daddy wouldn't approve of what she was thinking until _after_ she got the engagement switched. Then he would just bawl about how much like her mother she was and give her permission to do whatever she wanted to her fiance.

Ranma was being difficult, though. Every other boy she'd met was easy to lead around by his... hormones... what made him so different? No matter. The brat had been so _happy_ when she'd bounced down the stairs this morning... obviously lording it over her elder sisters that _she_ had been the one to score the hunk without lifting a finger. No matter. Men liked to think they were faithful, but she had yet to find even one who wouldn't jump at the chance for a few hours of meaningless sex. Sooner or later, Ranma would give in, or she would manage to catch him off guard, and he would be _her_ toy, and she could re-teach the brat just what her place was.

For now though, she just shrugged and headed for school. There would be other opportunities. Besides, she had a change of panties in her locker and more than enough time for one of her 'subordinates' to take care of the problem that leather rubbing against her easily stimulated regions was causing.

xxx

Ranma glanced at the fence. In all three of his moods he preferred to be at the highest point available, but for different reasons, whether it was fun, let the peons surrounding him know where he was, or tactically gave him an advantage against random attacks. However, Hotaru had seemed likely to sink into the depths of depression again when she decided that he was walking on the fence to keep away from her.

He paused, under Bruce's advisement, and waited for the water that suddenly splashed out in front of him to hit the ground before stepping quickly past, Hotaru shadowing him.

Minutes later, he was at the school, arching his eyebrow at the group outfitted in kendo gear that was blocking the entrance. Obviously, they intended to haze the fresh meat... new student. That would be him.

A boy in blue hakama, toting a bokken, stepped forward to sneer at him, confirming his guess.

"Who might _you_ be, cretin? Ah, but I forget, it is the custom to give ones own name before asking anothers, is it not? Fine! Mine I shall give. My name... is Upperclassman Kuno, Junior group E. Captain of the Kendo club, and undefeated star of the high school fencing world. You may adress me as either Sempai... or the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! Also... You appear quite familiar with Nabiki-sama's younger sister, nameless cretin."

Ranma, with some effort, forced himself into neutrality.

"...My name is Ranma. I have transferred to this educational facility only today. Our respective elders," Damned if he was going to admit Genma's relation to him. In a public place, no less. "Have arranged an engagement between Hotaru and I. Have your questions been answered, 'sempai'?"

Kuno ignored the sarcastic overtones of the last word to focus on the rest.

"Ah, a new student! I welcome you then, and give you this news. I am under orders from Nabiki-sama herself to test any who care to associate with her... younger family member. They must defeat me and my minions in fair combat."

His minions, the kendo team, grumbled slightly but moved into ready stances. Ranma almost cried after looking at them. Perfectly by the book, hundreds of holes in their guard... he could beat them all in under a second. No fun at all. Kunou seemed slightly better, though. If he was lucky, he might last a full minute.

"I offer you this single chance, to renounce all association with the girl beside you. I assure you, it will be far less painful that way."

In her classroom, Nabiki was mentally crowing as she watched the little drama play out. Ranma was guaging his chances against the team of six, plus Kuno. She congratulated herself for thinking of setting Kuno and his gang on Ranma. Now he would, faced with unbeatable odds, switch the engagement to her or Kasumi. Either one would work. She didn't really want to marry him, just get him in the sack a few times, and Kasumi was good at sharing.

She nearly fell out of the window when she heard Ranma's reply.

"No."

"No?"

"No... Hotaru, would you mind standing over there for a moment? It looks like I'm going to have to reaffirm the position I took with Tendo-san... but with a large application of healthy violence."

His hands were already in his pockets, stroking the switchblades Bruce had given him. His invisible 'foster parents' floated to hover by Hotaru next to the gate. Neither of them cared to have to clean blood off themselves... flippers made holding soap _very_ difficult.

Kuno sighed and stepped behind his minions.

"A pity. I shall send a card to your hospital room."

The Kendo team rushed forward in a unified attack.

Nabiki turned away, unable to watch the impending beating.

Hotaru took a deep breath, preparing to scream.

Bruce was knitting.

Ribbons was watching a butterfly.

Kuno had averted his eyes. He had no true desire to do this, even felt a pity of sorts for the poor boy and girl, but Nabiki-sama had given her orders and since the incident... he had no choice but to obey.

Ranma released all semblance of control over himself as his personality swung to mimic a respected father figure. A wide grin, filled with battle-madness, spread over his face and his arms blurred as they left his pockets.

Even as he made the conscious decision to avoid vital areas and his arms blurred once more into silent strikes, the sharp click of switchblades opening echoed through the schoolyard.

xxx

Both Nabiki and Kuno blinked at the click, and again as the screams began. Simultaneously they turned their heads back to the one-sided massacre. It was that, but in the other direction than they'd anticipated. Nabiki turned green and had to turn away again to keep her stomach under control. So much blood...

Kuno on the other hand was skilled enough to tell that all of the attacks were precisely aimed to look far worse than they really were. The worst his minions would have would be a little superficial scarring... and despite appearances they hadn't lost enough blood to truly matter. A plan began to form in his head. This Ranma... he would be a truly worthy battle. He knew perfectly well that he would lose, but there could be an advantage.

Ever since... the incident... he'd been forced into Nabiki's service until someone defeated either him or her in combat. Then... the bindings of his geas would switch to the victor. It would only work once, and then only defeating the previous victor could change the binding of the geas, but anyone would be a better daimyo than Nabiki-sama. His actions towards the girl that near everyone scorned and despised to one degree or another spoke well of his character... despite the way he was grinning as he made the kendo club bleed.

In class, Nabiki had just thought of the same thing Kuno had, but was too slow to forbid him to challenge Ranma. She grimaced and cursed the loss of a perfectly good 'servant' as Kuno leapt through the air with his bokken in an attack position that looked fine to her, but that both boys were aware had a great many holes in defense that could be easily exploited. Ranma had already returned the knives to his pockets and casually backhanded Kuno into the stone wall surrounding the school. Nabiki winced. Those weird magic thingies could only be used once before their power faded, and she was down to...

A brilliant plan crossed her mind. Use the magic thingies on Ranma. Then she could just order him to switch the engagement to her, and he'd have no choice but to obey. And as an added bonus, she'd get Kuno-chan back too... she'd just have to order Ranma to order Kuno to do whatever she wanted.

A particularly ecchi fantasy crossed her mind, and her face settled into its customary 'Ice queen' mask. Yes. She would have them both... at the same time!

She casually wiped away a small trickle of blood from her nose before anyone noticed.

xxx

Hotaru was still slightly shocked. Unlike Kuno, she hadn't been trained in the martial arts, so she couldn't guage the real amount of damage done... and all the blood was very misleading.

"He... he... he maimed all those boys... for me?"

Oddly enough, the thought caused her to smile for some reason.

"Thats... thats so sweet. He just maimed six innocent students and smashed an upperclassman into a stone wall... all for me."

Granted, he'd seemed to enjoy it far more than he probably should have, but it had been so long since anyone had treated her with anything more than indifference that she was willing to ignore his less nice qualities in favor of his nicer ones. In her mind, Ranma was now categorized as something above friend, above fiance even. He was her Knight in Shining Armor. He could do no wrong. He would be her Royal Consort.

She blinked and wondered where that last thought came from.

xxx

Setsuna screamed, unheard from her vantage point at the time gates. For some time now, the timelines had been going very, very wrong. Take Saturn for instance.

Saturn was reborn as the daughter of a sciency type named Souichiro Tomoe... and died in an accident. The bereaved man was _supposed_ to come into contact with a malevolent entity named Mistress Nine, who would offer to return his precious daughter to life... for a price. Instead, he had somehow resurrected his daughter _by himself_ in exchange for the sacrifice of his own life. Soon after, Hotaru had disappeared into one of the few areas of Japan that she couldn't scry for whatever reason, but she couldn't figure out which one. She'd frankly forgotten about it until the 'witches 5' had shown up to attempt to bring Pharoah 90 to this world. Unsurprisingly, without Tomoe as brains they were easily defeated. Mistress Nine had never appeared either, leading Pluto to wonder just what had happened to her.

xxx

Mistress Nine sneezed before glancing around in the damp darkness. She was chained to a wall, wearing a straitjacket, in some sort of cell in a sewer with bars made out of pipes. That sneaky bastard Tomoe had pretended to go along with her offer, only to catch her off guard and turn the tables on her, killing himself to bring Hotaru back to life and seal her within the girls soul to keep her that way. She'd been locked up here, cold, damp, and oddly enough extremely lonely, for what she guessed was something around the last ten years. She recalled an old boyfriend in some other dimension who'd gotten himself into a similar situation. Name started with a K... She'd thought it was hilariously funny at the time, couldn't stop laughing for weeks.

She wasn't laughing now.

She was beginning to lose it. She could feel her evil seeping away into the quiet darkness. She'd be good, she'd masquerade as a human, she'd fix things so Pharoah 90 could never come to this planet, ever, he wasn't _that_ good in bed anyway, she'd give money to charity, she'd take up nursing at old folks homes, she'd take in stray puppies and other cute animals and make flowers magically grow wherever she walked, start a religion based on purity and love, ANYTHING as long as someone let her out of this FUCKING SEWER CELL THING... or at least let her see what the kid she was stuck in was doing sometimes. The steady sound of water dripping was really starting to mess with her mind... she was beginning to think the Tomoe bastard planned it that way.

xxx

Setsuna dismissed the thought as irrelevant. Her absence had made it possible to close the doorway to Pharoah 90 before he could pass through, even with Saturn being absent as well. According to the time gates, there was an extremely low chance of her ever appearing again, and if she did she wasn't going to be any trouble. Oddly enough she'd gotten an image of her running an orphanage, and one of her starting up a religion that swiftly grew in numbers to spread across the globe... even more surprisingly, neither of them had been for a vile plot. For a youma type entity, that was something akin to converting to Satanism and sacrificing infants.

Anyway, the timelines were rapidly shifting and squirming around a single point in time, throwing millenia of careful planning... she'd been preparing for Crystal Tokyo even _before_ the Silver Millenium had fallen... straight down the tubes. The image of that point in time was horrifying.

Sailor Saturn's Wedding.

It was terrible, and could never be allowed to happen. Even in the Silver Millenium, Saturn wasn't allowed to wed, take lovers, or even make close attachments to people. Given the overwhelming power she had locked in her tiny frame, and that she became... Overprotective was a good word, but to truly understand it you had to add a few modifying words. Like Extremely, Absolutely, and Insanely. She tended to start blowing random things, and people, to oblivion if someone she actually liked was so much as scratched.

After a heated debate it was decided that an apathetic Saturn, with no regard whatsoever for human life, but no real reason to destroy it... at the moment... was far less dangerous. The fact that the groom appeared to be a nexus of chaos and mild insanity didn't help either.

She sighed as she looked back into the Gates. For some reason, she couldn't get a lock on the exact date on the wedding either. If she could, she could just bomb it to oblivion. Saturn would survive, but noone else would... and even if she died she'd just be reincarnated again. No problem.

Unfortunately, she'd just have to find out some other way to stop the wedding. And get the other two outers to have to take care of and raise Hotaru. Somehow. They had too much time on their hands by far.

xxx

Despite fitting in a one sided massacre before school, Ranma hadn't had any trouble making his way to the classroom. He'd chosen a seat next to Hotaru, which was surprisingly easy as there was a ring of empty seats surrounding her. Oddly enough, the only attention he'd gotten was a couple of kids who wanted to know if Hotaru was any good in the sack.

One casual use of Mallet-chan, one destroyed desk, and two sets of soiled undergarments later even the teacher was sweating nervously and trying to ignore the psychopath in the room. Hotaru's close proximity to the psychopath meant she was ignored as well. It was a novel experience for her. Usually she was targeted with questions college students would have difficulty answering and loudly mocked if her answer was incorrect. But sadly, all good things must come to an end and soon, lunchtime and recess came, seperating her from her knight, and leaving her to be dragged off by the girls of the class to gossip about her new fiance.

"Oof!"

Hotaru fell to the ground, winded from the blow to the stomach.

"Why does a freaky little runt like _you_ get a hunk like _him_? It's not FAIR!"

The last word was punctuated by a swift kick to the downed girls ribs, knocking the wind out of her once more, and serving to keep her down. Hotaru whimpered as the foot drew back once more only to pause as a whiffling noise sped past the bullies face, ending in a thunk as a switchblade imbedded itself into the school wall. A thin red line appeared on the bullies face, and began to ooze a trickle of blood.

"Ah! What! Who'd?"

"Some men believe that striking a woman is a flaw in their character, something not to do..."

Eyes turned to Ranma, who was casually spinning another switchblade around his fingers.

"I personally subscribe to the belief that if you meddle in my business, male or female, you heartily deserve whatever happens to you. Hold still, I hear this only hurts for a moment."

The girl broke and ran, leaving Ranma to step forward and help Hotaru to her feet. Hotaru latched onto his side, sobbing quietly into his shirt.

"..."

Ranma calmy memorized the girls face, making a note to find out her name later. So he could add it to the list of people to be purged. It was all _her_ fault that Hotaru was rubbing dirt into his favorite shirt. Her punishment would be both painful and humiliating. Chinese silk was difficult to come by in Japan.

xxx

A.N.

Looks like my previous chapter redeemed the prologue... a little anyway. Hmmm. I actually can't think of anything to say. How odd. Anyway, I intend to cram as many cameos and references to stuff in here as possible, simply out of sheer boredom. See how many you can spot! Also, who doesn't like Ranma being the one with a mallet for once? Hahaha!

Also, I'm debating whether to actually make him conquer the world, or not. It'll be fun to write either way, but I'm probably going to end up flipping a coin or something.


	4. Chapter 3

Ranma DewBlossom

Chapter 3

xxx

Ranma looked down from the tower from whence he ruled this insignificant ball of dirt. He smiled as the gathered masses prostrated themselves as was proper before his majestic image, cast in bronze at the base of his tower. The chorus of their adulation of their lord and master was music to the benevolent conqueror's ears. He smiled and turned to retire into his tower, breaking a small lollipop off the wall and held it carefully between his tongue and cheek as he considered what next to do.

After a moment of consideration, he made his way to his throne room, to recieve a petitioner or two. They'd been hanging around for hours after all. He sat himself on his iron throne, carefully avoiding the razor sharp edges and spikes that symbolized the pain and danger of rule to those who saw it. He casually waved his lollipop at the three that had been here the longest and the guards began turning the crank to lower them to the floor, slowly, so that they did not suffer head injuries from the marble floors.

Once they had recovered from all the blood in their body no longer rushing to their heads, he pointed to one, who stepped forward with his proposal.

"Lord Ranma, the barbarians of the United states of Canada have stolen the holy handgrenade of..."

"Did they take it to their country?"

"Er, yes, and they..."

Ranma pressed a large shiny red button, and the tower was treated to the sound of a distant explosion.

"I never liked Canada anyway. Next."

"Er, my lord, er, that is, er, could I have a moment? The pain in my head is making it difficult for me to think straight..."

"Oh? A headache? Understandable I suppose. Let me fix that for you. Set your head there... on the block. Just a little to the left... Right. Now hold still."

Ranma withdrew his pink, smily-faced, flowery, spikey mallet from nowhere and slammed it down heavily on the petitioner's head, creating a large crunching noise as his skull rapidly changed shape.

"That better?"

"M-much... thank you."

Ranma waved his hand, and a guard stepped forward to drag the bleeding, broken mass away.

"Next."

"My lord Ranma, I have come to you with a question, requiring your infinite wisdom to solve."

"Oh? Do continue, peasant, you intrigue me."

"How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

Ranma considered for a moment, rolling the lollipop around in his mouth before answering.

"Your meager intellect is astonishing. Categorizing the wood as an inanimate object, the woodchuck as an animate object, the act of 'chucking' wood would necessarily require itself to be facilitated by a fungal growth. Mushrooms. Or to be precise, furry whiffler mushroom skeletons. It simply wouldn't be proper otherwise. The skeletal mushrooms greet the woodchuck traditionally by leaping for its throat with a switchblade, then set the wood on fire before leaving, but through random chance and probability a purple arbyfish turns back time to before the mushroom attack... or would have, except he had congealed from a freak rain of fabric softener that can easily be explained by a tornado blowing down a series of laundromats and depositing the liquid fabric softener into lower earth orbit where it chilled and condensed into a precipitative form, thus leaving the woodchuck very little time to chuck wood before it gave out and collapsed into the dirt, leaving the rest of the wood for furry whiffler spores to grow on, creating a plague that neccessitates the burning down of the forest in a gigantic, raging firestorm to keep nature in balance. The answer, seeker of wisdom, is six."

And throughout the world, children everywhere would grow up hearing the tales of Ranma the Wise and Benevolent Conqueror of the Entire World.

xxx

Hotaru chastly kissed her snoring fiance on the cheek before slipping into bed next to him. He looked so peaceful and happy while he was asleep... she wondered what he was dreaming of.

She paused to consider the day he'd had, involving mutilating a Kendo team, smashing their captains head into a stone wall, vacantly destroying a desk and terrifying two classmates to the point they'd needed to excuse themselves to go change into their gym pants, threatening to kill a girl who'd been picking on her... and that didn't even cover what he'd gotten into _after_ lunchtime. She also considered that the smile he'd worn while doing that was extremely similar to the one that had sprung up after he'd stopped stabbing the pillow and drifted off into REM sleep. Almost exactly similar now that she thought about it. That put an entirely different spin on things.

He was dreaming of beating up bad people that wanted to take over the world or something like that! How nice.

Hotaru completely missed the way that Ranma choked in his sleep as she finished that thought.

xxx

Setsuna blinked. She'd been trying for days to get a clear image of the groom at the wedding she'd witnessed... well, relatively anyway, there wasn't really such a thing as 'time' at the Time Gates... and now she had gotten a decently clear image of his surroundings... if not his face, which had for some reason been covered with one of those mosaic things she'd seen on some news programs when they interveiwed someone who wanted their privacy. Everything else came in perfect though.

She just wished she could forget she'd seen it.

"What did fungus have to do with anything? That sounds like something Arby would have said... and the one before it was something Tim would have done, god rest his soul... and much as I hate to say it, that first thing reminded me of Tim too. This is awful. Saturn is eneamored with Tim's reincarnation, there's no other explanation. He must die before any of this comes to pass."

Setsuna began making preperations to bring the senshi out on a manhunt, wishing she could convince herself it was all just a dream. Naturally, she was already gone when the scene in the gates switched to her target's snoring figure.

Now for something completely pointless.

xxx

After a decade, Mistress Nine had finally found a way to pass the time.

"Ten trillion four hundred ninety seven billion six hundred eighty two million five hundred nineteen thousand and three pure heart crystals on the wall, Ten trillion four hundred ninety seven billion six hundred eighty two million five hundred nineteen thousand and three pure heart crystals! Take one down, use it to summon a being of unimaginable power, Ten trillion four hundred ninety seven billion six hundred eighty two million five hundred nineteen thousand and two pure heart crystals on the waaaaall!"

She just wished there was someone else here that she could drive insane with her song. It would make things much more tolerable. For her, anyway.

xxx

Morning had come, bringing with it several attempted seductions by Hotaru's elder sisters, all going unnoticed or ignored by their target, much smiling from Hotaru and much scowling from everyone else, a panda being beaten absurdly, an attack by a ninja zombie, who joined them for breakfast after joining the panda in absurd beatings, and several plots made and discarded to make way for better plots. It also involved this.

Ranma blinked and snatched Hotaru up into his arms, leaping to the other side of the road, barely avoiding a blast of crackling lightning that left the pavement scorched black.

"Wow, I'm impressed. For a youma in disguise, you're pretty good."

"Thank you! But what's a youma?"

Naturally, this happened while the pink portion of Ranma's psyche was in control.

"Don't play dumb, youma! Pluto told us what to look for... but for just one youma, I'll be more than enough! Take this!"

Another bolt of lightning was thrown and summarily dodged.

"So... You have a picture of me? Or do you just have a vague description and you're blasting anyone who looks vaguely like it?"

Jupiter coughed, flushing lightly.

"Er... the second one. But you dodged, so that makes you the youma!"

"Really! So how many random, innocent people did you hit with electricity to come to that conclusion?"

"Only a few... that is, wait, that's none of you're business youma, you're just trying to confuse me!"

"... Maybe so... but I doubt it would take much."

Wow... so even Pink type Ranma can be sarcastic. Ranma calmly set Hotaru down on the sidewalk before leaping up to a fence to smile vapidly at Jupiter.

"After all, you're doing quite a good job of confusing yourself."

This time, the high voltage attack hit head on, causing Ranma's eyes to glaze from pain as he slowly toppled forward to land in a smoking heap on the pavement. Hotaru's eyes were wide open in shock.

"HAH! Take THAT youma! This simply proves that the Sailor Senshi... wait, it's not disintegrating... I wonder what that..."

Ranma's muscles tensed as he threw himself off the ground and into the air, feet first, directly towards the short-skirted menace. Somehow, she was fast enough to dodge and zap him again at close range, causing him to slump to the ground again, even more charred, writhing in pain, the vapid smile on his face immediately dissappearing to be replaced with a scowl. He coughed, releasing a cloud of dark smoke from his lungs.

"That... Really hurt."

"It was meant to, youma. Now just DIE already!"

Ranma rapidly began dodging, wincing from the pain it put on his charred flesh. Revising analysis... subject 'Jupiter' now classified as extreme threat. Begin evasive procedures.

Ranma withdrew a, miraculously unharmed, smokebomb from his shirt and detonated it at his feet, covering himself in a billowing cloud of white smoke. When it settled, he'd dissappeared, and Jupiter glanced around momentarily before growling to herself and bounding off to find her friends and inform them about the general location of the youma Setsuna had seemed so worried about.

For a moment, the street was quiet. Then...

"Is the crazy lady gone?"

"... I think so."

"Thank GOD!"

A nearby trash can fell over, releasing both Ranma and a _terrible_ smell, one that made Hotaru go slightly green before Ranma slammed the lid back on and collapsed back to the ground, desperately trying to keep his guts down.

"Of all the... all the choices of hiding places and naturally I pick the trash can with a live skunk, moldy underwear, gym socks, month old cabbage, and _worse_ in it... I really don't feel like going to school now. Hotaru, I'm cutting class. I need to pick some stuff up if she's going to be back."

Hotaru just shrugged and followed him, not caring to try to convince him otherwise, or considering going to school on her own. Though she did insist that the first stop be to a public bath... Ranma'd had her carry a set of clothes for some reason, 'in case he got wet', but that revolting smell clung to his skin. She felt like vomiting just from the proximity.

xxx

Genma blinked as he glanced out to the kitchen window, where his son was sitting in Tendo's backyard, lots and lots of wires strapped to him. He wondered for a moment why the boy wasn't at school, but shrugged and headed out for him. Now was as good a time as any to tell him he'd changed his mind about staying at Tendo's... and the boy could probably think up a far better reason for leaving than he could.

"Boy."

Ranma cracked an eye open out of his meditation.

"Old man. Don't touch me."

Casually ignoring him, Genma slapped his hand down on a patch of skin that wasn't covered with wires.

BZZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

Genma exhaled a cloud of black smoke before slowly toppling backwards to the ground, still vibrating slightly from the voltage running through him.

"...Ow."

"I warned you... Hotaru, my body has begun to acclimate itself to this voltage. Increase the juice some more, this is nowhere near what that chick managed."

"Right."

Genma struggled up to a sitting position, arching an eyebrow as Ranma spasmed in agony before masking his pain and forcing himself to be still. He glanced at the voltage readout on the machine Hotaru was sitting next to and grimaced. Technically, he was pretty sure that Ranma should be somewhere around 'well done' at this point... the average guy off the street would have been fried long ago. Even he hadn't ever tried to put him through something _this_ stupid.

"Boy... You're insane."

"Indubitably. Your point?"

Genma just sighed and made a note to wait for the boy to finish his latest lapse into madness and idiocy before bringing up the possibility of a 'training trip'. The boy would probably be more approachable after he'd electrocuted himself into insensibility too. Of course by that time Genma'd probably be very drunk, but what the hell.

"This is going too slow. Just set it to max."

"Okay."

"AAAARGH!!! O-okay... you can start setting up the next one now. This is starting to close in on the voltage she was putting out, but I want to be able to take at least double that."

xxx

The senshi had gathered at the shrine, one by one, to report to Setsuna that many innocent people had been lightly torched, splashed, purified and other things but they hadn't found anyone who'd managed to dodge. Jupiter wasn't back yet though... No wait, here she is.

"I found the youma, but it got away. I zapped it a few times though!"

Setsuna blinked. "Youma?"

A breeze blew through the silent courtyard.

"Yeah... the youma you sent us after. He's in Nerima."

"I didn't send you after a youma. He's a danger to the timestream, but he's undeniably human... I think."

Everyone took a long moment to process that.

"Soooo..." Jupiter, who still hadn't detransformed, said slowly. "I just electrocuted the crap out of one of the cutest guys I've ever seen... AND HE PROBABLY HADN'T DONE ANYTHING TO DESERVE IT?"

"... Something like that. Nerima, you said? I'll go deal with him now then."

Makoto twitched as Setsuna faded from view, then turned around and started running back to Nerima, cursing about how long a run it was.

"So wait... If Mako-chan's as set as she seems to be to keep the guy from being killed... is that a testament to how much he's worth the effort, or how desperate she is?"

xxx

By this time, Hotaru had set up a third machine, with the other two still on full. There were sparks flying from the wires and every so often an arc of electricity would leap across Ranma's skin. Soun and Genma had stopped their board game, completely ignoring the opportunity to cheat in favor of staring, mouths gaping wide at the spectacle of the teenager, who's body was covered with minor electrical burns and had enough juice going through him to keep all of Tokyo running for at least a few hours.

"S-saotome... do you know what this reminds me of?"

"The 'Rage of Thor' technique that the master found? Yes, but he's doing it to himself, and this is _far_ beyond where even the master decided the training was inhuman torture and let us out... I don't know what the boy's doing... I never talked about that technique even once."

"Genma... I must know... did you raise your son as a masochist?"

"WHAT! No! One deviation leads to another, and could lead to him becoming like... the master... but..."

"But what, Saotome?"

"There _was_ a period of time... about a year and a half... where he slipped off by himself. I've no idea what he got himself involved in... he never brings it up, and talking about it puts him in a really bad mood, _really_ fast."

"I... see... no actually I don't, why did you let your son run off for a year and a half? What age was he?"

"Seven... and I didn't _let_ him persay... He drugged my food and when I came to I was tied up and gagged. Once I escaped, I followed his trail, but it turned out to be a fake one and it started raining so... He gave me the slip, all right."

Soun nodded, impressed with the boy despite himself, and opened his mouth to speak again when Ranma's eyes snapped open and he was struck repeatedly by lightning bolts, making the generator machine things explode from conducting too much energy. Once the bolts ceased striking him, Ranma stood up, brow furrowing in concentration... and repressed pain. He glared at a tree, blinking when lightning struck it from the clear sky, converting it to charred splinters. After a moment of contemplation, he grinned widely, having realized exactly how he'd managed it and focused...

Bringing yet another bolt of lightning down on his head and making him collapse as the sheer, overwhelming pain of billions of volts blasting through his body for the past hour or two suddenly overwhelmed the sensory blocks in place and DEMANDED to be heard.

"Impressive Saotome..."

"Indeed. Within the span of a single afternoon, he has learned a terrifying secret technique, without even meaning to! I give him... about an hour from whenever he wakes up until he's mastered it."

Soun nodded, turning back to the game board, sparing only a moment to condescendingly sneer at the girl who'd begun dragging her charred fiance inside to rest in a relaxing hot furo.

xxx

Pluto paused as she finished teleporting into Nerima district, noting that while she'd narrowed it down somewhat, the area to search was still _very large_ and she actually had no idea where the person she was looking for would be. Hmmm...

The answer hit her. He had to be Hotaru's age, or therabouts, and it was still an hour or so until school let out. Naturally, he'd be _at school_! She turned and began heading for the only school in the district, completely ignoring the multiple flashes of lightning in the sky as one of those random things that just happened in areas saturated in enough chaos energy to distrupt scanning from the Gates of Time.

Could be worse... could be that place where it rained badgers and porcupines once a month.

xxx

Kuno grimaced. He'd gone to the trouble of coming right back to Furinkan immediately after recieving multiple hairline fractures and one hell of a concussion the day before, just to inform his new Lord and Master of his magically bound subservience to him, only to discover that Ranma had apparently decided to play hookie.

Well that was just great... he could have stayed home and slept off the POUNDING, UNFORGIVING PAIN... but nooo... he got to be in school and listening to migraine causing lectures.

The wall was suddenly blasted away, stopping the monotonous droning of the teacher with a large chunk of brick to the side of his head.

And there was much rejoicing.

Sailor Pluto blinked. She wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve a standing ovation, but... oh, the teacher had gone down. That explained it. She withdrew a piece of paper from... somewhere... the students were too polite to ask where. It had a, frankly, terrible drawing of a smiley face with a pigtail.

"I'm looking for this person... could anyone tell me where to find him?"

The class was instantly mumbling, rumor mill beginning to churn.

"You don't suppose its that new kid?"

"The psycho? With the switchblades?"

"Well... he does have a pigtail..."

"He didn't show up either."

"Wonder what she's after him for?"

"Maybe she's an old girlfriend."

"Really? Maybe she'll try to take out the freak to get him back then!"

"That would be cool."

"Or maybe she'll go after the people who arranged it... he did say their dads were behind the engagement."

"I dunno... remember what he did to that poor girl that just roughed the freak up a little bit?"

"Yeah, she's gonna have a scar. Poor girl was mortified."

Kuno momentarily contemplated smashing his head into a wall again, if only for the few, short hours of sweet oblivion it would result in. And those doctors said that _he_ was extremely unstable? Bah! He'd like them to try a day or two of living _his_ life... see just how many of those quacks walk away sane from THAT! He sighed and banished the thought.

"Might I ask what business you have with Ranma-san?"

Kuno was actually surprised at the suffix. He'd expected the magic bindings to force him to tack a -sama on at best.

"I wish to know where he lives so that I can kill him before his plans of world domination bear their fruit. I have seen a vision of the future within his rule... it MUST NOT come to pass!"

Instantly, wild rumors began flying between the excited students and Kuno arched an eyebrow. Wow. Apparently the new boss had MAJOR plans... and if the lady in the needlessly short skirt was correct, he might pull them off.

"I see... Actually he's cut class today, but you might be able to find him training in the park. He may not be there, but hey! You never know. Or... some people might think that's a ruse to throw off people who are trying to kill him, when he's really in a heavily warded and guarded safehouse sixty miles south of here. But it's more likely that he's just training in the park... he is a martial artist after all."

Pluto nodded and left to begin a systematic search of the dozens of parks in the Nerima district. Kuno watched her leave, then grabbed his things and walked out through the rather large hole in the wall, heading directly for the Tendo dojo. Noone questioned him, as they believed him to still be in the 'employ' of Nabiki, and as such delivering information she might find useful... that psycho was living in her house, after all. The rumor mill began to churn... within an hour, no two students would remember the events the same, and everything would be blown heavily out of proportion, focusing on Ranma instead of the Pluto lady who'd stopped by.

Just the way she preferred it.

xxx

"I'm impressed... the boy has determination, if nothing else."

"We raised our snotling properly."

"Our? No, not ours. Not really."

"No matter how much we might prefer it otherwise?"

"..."

"You know I'm right..."

"If you don't hurry, he'll manage to conquer the world before you do, Bruce."

"... What do you think about that girl?"

"Changing the subject, are we? I don't know... we haven't seen much of her. I like her a lot more than her sisters though."

"Should we reveal ourselves to her, though... That's a question."

"... I'd let the snotling decide. After all... once she's seen us, there's no coming back."

xxx

Hotaru snuggled closer into the crook of her fiances arm, amusing herself by peeling blackened strips of skin off his chest and flicking them into a small wastbasket. It was fascinating. She couldn't actually watch the skin grow back for some reason, but if she turned away and looked back it would have healed almost all the way. It defied logic, so she simply repeated the process over and over until all the blackened lines of char had been replaced with lines of new, pinkish skin.

At first, she'd intended to just set him in the bath and leave him to soak in peace, but then she had to seriously consider the possibility of her One True Love(TM) drowning in his sleep. She'd changed her mind very quickly, and after all they _were_ engaged... this sort of thing was perfectly acceptable.

Besides... both of her sisters had calmly walked in, one simply nude and the other bearing a variety of 'toys', and hadn't been even surprised at Ranma being there. They had, however, been _extremely_ surprised at seeing Hotaru in the bath as well, and had taken a moment to consider the image of the body-shy, extremely insecure younger girl coldly staring her ever-so-slightly lecherous elder sisters down, silently daring them to try anything with _her_ beloved. They both quietly sneered at her, but left, mentally trying to convince themselves that NO they had NOT just been severely intimidated into submission. They would also deny the nightmares they would soon be having, based on that sudden weird gleam in her eye that seemed to scream 'Sooner or later I will have both the power and skill to blast you into your component quarks... I suggest you not give me a valid reason to.'

Naturally this didn't mean that they would cease attempting to seduce the runt's man away from her... it just meant they would be very careful not to let the (suddenly terrifying for no apparent reason) brat find out about it. Not that they were scared or anything... no certainly not.

Not one bit.

Hotaru blinked and smiled as her love began to slowly stir from his slumber.

"Damn it, where the HELL am I now!?"

Instantly, Ranma was awake and dressing himself. He'd left the room just as Hotaru registered that the voice was unfamiliar to her, and had come from her yard.

xxx

Ryoga growled. Minutes ago, he'd left a bathroom in France, walking straight out into a raging blizzard. He'd covered his eyes as he walked into the wind, not noticing when he entered the Sahara, only caring that it had been cold and was now hot. When sand stopped blowing around, he'd been in the middle of some jungle, and losing his temper, he paused to close his eyes and scream, not noticing the scene change once more.

"Damn it, where the HELL am I now!?"

"The Tendo dojo, in the Nerima ward of Tokyo."

Ryoga paused. He _knew_ that voice!

"It's been a long time... Hibiki."

"Indeed it has... Saotome."

The Universe seemed to pause, breathless with anticipation, as the two volatile boys turned to face each other...

And grinned widely.

"Good to see you!"

"Come in, come in... I'll ask Kasumi about making tea. So tell me, where'd you end up this time? You just walked behind a tree and dissappeared!"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you..."

To those attuned to such things, the sound of the Universe falling flat on its face could be clearly heard over the chatter of the old friends, and one could almost make out mutterings about demanding a refund.

What a gyp.

xxx

A.N.

Mweheheh... I just couldn't resist. Can't wait for him to meet Jupiter again... BWAHAHAHA! And who actually foresaw that last bit?

The true madness... will soon begin.


	5. Chapter 4

Ranma DewBlossom

Chapter 4

xxx

"DewBlossom... That name is ridiculous. For daring to steal my darling Shampoo from me... I will see you punished! Entities of darkness, I free you now from your eternal slumber, asking only a single boon of thee! DESTROY RANMA DEWBLOSSOM!!!"

So saying, Mu Tsu of the Joketsuzoku cast an urn off the edge of a tall cliff, the many runes glowing eerily and wards flapping through the air as it plummeted to the base of the cliff.

"Dew... No, I can't make myself say that word any longer... Ranma! Your judgement is at hand, and after you have fallen Shampoo will be mine alone!"

"What stupid Mousse talking?"

Mu Tsu slowly turned around, a sweatdrop showing through his long hair.

"Sh-Shampoo! But... aren't you chasing that infernal cad who underhandedly defeated you in combat to bring him back to the tribe?"

"...? Shampoo think too-too stupid Mousse smoke something bad... Ranma no fight Shampoo... through complex series of accidents Ranma accidentally knock out Sorceress-in-training Perfume."

"..."

Mousse slowly glanced over the cliff, to the base where a strange cloud of vapor suddenly gathered together and blew away towards Japan.

Against the wind.

"Oops."

xxx

Setsuna paused in fighting her way through the heavily guarded safehouse. At first she'd passed it off as a joke, before she checked and there really _was_ a magically warded and heavily guarded secret labyrinth sixty miles south of the school. But Ranma wasn't there, unless he was one of the thugs she'd already vaporized and none of them had pigtails, and now...

She ducked a sudden hail of bullets and teleported away to the time gates. She was getting that feeling again... that something happened that shouldn't have, and needed to be fixed. She opened her mind to the gates of time, scanning swiftly everything that had happened when the unsettling feeling had gone down her spine.

And nearly screamed in frustration.

There was another enemy to battle, but... they could not defeat this one on their own. The final blow had to be dealt by the one that this army of darkness had been set upon, without him they had no chance of victory.

Ranma...

If she had to work with him... then fine. Far be it from her to deny the facts... however... Nobody said she couldn't wait for him to exhaust himself fighting this strange new threat and then stab him in the back. Figuratively and/or literally. Whatever works.

xxx

Jupiter was slowly coming to the realization that Nerima was very large, with many many places to look for people, and it had been more than long enough for Pluto to have a hefty headstart on locating the hunk. She needed a miracle from... she paused to consider. She wasn't christian, buddhist, or shinto... hmm... This could take a moment. Who was the patron diety of Jupiter?

Jupiter... Jove... Zeus. She needed a sign from Zeus to show where the hunk had gone.

Lightning struck the backyard of a fairly decent sized residence nearby.

"Thank you Zeus!"

xxx

A few minutes ago, Kasumi had set out the tea and was casually ogling the newcomer as he and Ranma recounted old times, and everyone gathered around the table to listen. By the time Hotaru had made it dressed and down the stairs all the available seats were filled, with her sisters casually sneering at her from either side of _her_ man. She contained the sudden urge to blast them to oblivion... hesitating for half a second to wonder just where that thought came from... then shrugged.

And took a seat in Ranma's lap, provoking a cold glance from her father and her sisters to smack their heads into the table, wondering why _they_ hadn't thought of that. Ryoga casually ignored her right up until he realized that Ranma wasn't responding violently to the show of affection, was in fact calmly encouraging it... without the use of flowers or chocolate. At that point he very nearly choked on his own tongue.

"...and then there was the time that one guy summoned hordes of darkness on us, you remember? We were whacking skeledoids for weeks! Good times, eh? Good times."

"R-ranma... girl... lap... touching you... not kill... but..."

Ranma absently rearranged Hotaru on his lap so that bloodflow to his feet wasn't cut off, completely missing the shock in Ryoga's eyes.

"And then there was that time when we ran across that guy with a squid for his head... Good times, we knew how to have fun, eh?"

Ryoga was still stuttering incoherently as Soun began to converse quietly with Genma.

"These stories... seem familiar, do they not, Genma? Similar actually, to certain things we went through when the Master..."

"Yes, Tendo... Though I do not recall seeing my son through the skele-thing incident he mentioned... or remember the first time he met the Hibiki boy... Perhaps it was during?"

"...but... But I thought you were GAY!"

A slow silence fell through the room as Ranma's aura turned black and momentarily visible to everyone... except Hotaru, who's eyes were closed as she focused on how much she enjoyed being held in Ranma's lap.

"... WHAT, exactly, led you to _that_ conclusion, my _completely and totally platonic_ buddy?"

Ryoga gulped, sweating heavily, and Genma murmured a small prayer for the boys soul, quietly, barely loud enough for Soun, right next to him, to make out the general wording and lift an eyebrow. But both Genma and the unfortunate Ryoga had heard him use that tone of voice before.

Just before he tore the squid headed person's head off, dipped it in batter, fried it in oil, and ate it with dipping sauce. Ryoga remembered, far too late, just why he'd never brought up this subject before.

"B-but... girls have been trying to catch you since we were TEN! Remember? The incident with the Jacuzzi, a girl's school vacation, hot and cold springs, and twenty-five pounds of lime green gelatin powder? You never once showed any interest whatsoever in anything female... I ... Ijumpedtoconclusions,pleasedon'tkillme!"

A smirk settled down on Ranma's face as his aura dissappeared.

"Why would I do something like that? You've jumped to conclusions, and you've apologized. No biggie. By the way... I worked out a new technique earlier. Would you like to see it?"

Ryoga's eyes bugged out of his head as he leapt for the exit, hoping he could get lost before Ranma blasted him with whatever new skill he'd learned... and then make him learn it. 'To keep up with me.' Sadly if he'd stayed inside, he'd have been perfectly safe, as Ranma was somewhat unwilling to destroy Tendo-san's house, but the second he left the house he was a perfect target.

Then again, who expects to get hit by lightning in the middle of the city on a sunny day? Ryoga sure didn't.

"Kasumi! Would you mind keeping my buddy from running off while Hotaru-chan and I set the generators back up? I'd be much obliged."

The semiconscious Hibiki whimpered as Kasumi happily gathered him to her bosom, keeping him from darting for escape as Ranma set up those large machines in the... oh. So _that's_ what those generators were there for. Generators.

'Generator, n. a mechanical device used primarily for the powering of household implements, a small one capable of converting gasonline into electricity capable of powering an entire house.'

Ryoga had seen generators before. His house was actually powered by a small gas generator which could be topped off by a company after a quick phone call. His father had decided that it was far more cost-effective to power the house that way, as they were rarely there, and it was considered courtesy to call the gas company to fill the tank if you used it all up. Much cheaper than paying for supplying electricity to a house you may not be at for months at a time.

The generator was, as stated, small... perhaps forty to fifty kilos at best. These monsters were at least in the 300-350 kilo range. Each. They could power this entire district for a long time... frankly, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what Ranma had done to get them.

Trying to avoid wondering what the hell those things could be used for, he thought about what had just happened. Ranma had said he wanted to 'demonstrate a new technique', and he'd been hit by lightning from a clear sky. Hmmm. With all these generators here, he was reminded slightly of something Ranma'd told him about once. The 'neko-ken', which was a powerful, albeit uncontrollable, technique, giving the trainee the reflexes, speed, demeanor, and most importantly, _claws_ of a cat. Hmm. Ranma had struck him with lightning from a clear sky. To learn the neko-ken, one had to be repeatedly... mauled by... hunger-crazed housecats... He paused to draw the parallells and suddenly stare, horrified, at the generators Ranma had finished setting up.

Oh. Oh shit. This was _really_ going to hurt.

xxx

Makoto, Sailor Jupiter, landed on the wall surrounding the household and took a deep breath to prepare her speech and apology.

And paused, staring in shock at the wild battle going on. The guy she'd tried to fry earlier was chasing another guy around in circles... she blinked with shock as she realized it was her old sempai, sighing as she noted the buxom, yet housewifish woman clinging around his neck... while the girl who was with him was leaning against a large... thing with wires coming out of it. She blinked as the Pigtailed Hunk stopped chasing her sempai around, but he continued running frantically in circles, then winced as PH pulled a... large pink mallet?... out of nowhere and held it out to the side. She felt like smacking herself as her sempai blindly ran straight into it, with the audible crunch of his nose flattening. Then the PH lifted her dazed sempai over his shoulder and turn back towards the large machines.

Only to pause and smile as he caught sight of her, standing, slightly befuddled, on the wall.

The hair on the back of her neck rose as her senses, finely tuned from working so long with her element, warned her of an incoming blast of...

She leapt to the ground, barely missing being struck by a bolt of falling lightning.

"W-wait! I'm not here to..."

She was interrupted by a blow to the ribs, knocking the wind out of her as she fell to the ground and he leapt back... why would he...?

Her eyes widened as she realized why he'd given up the offensive and she threw herself into a desperate roll to the side to avoid another blast from the heavens. Shock and curiosity as to how this guy had managed to call lightning, she'd met people who could pass themselves of as magicians, but this was _far_ more than some special gloves and static electricity, were replaced with the adrenaline high of a battle for her life.

It was _exhilirating_.

She had always enjoyed fighting... had earned something of a reputation for it in her old schools... but once she'd begun her extracurricular activites she'd begun to... At first, all youma had been a challenge. It was very dangerous to fight them, and she came close to serious injury several times. After a while though... The youma didn't become easier to battle, but they didn't become any more difficult either. The battle high had... stagnated. Now, she was fighting a _human_ who could concievably tear her to shreds, and had somehow copied her own attacks and duplicated them... by a hundredfold.

It was like a rush of crackling lightning was flowing through her veins as she rolled back to her feet, electrical blasts forgotten in favor of straighforward battle with fists and feet.

A wide grin of battle-lust spread across her face and was mirrored by her pigtailed opponent. He flicked his arms forward, switchblades opening in mid-flight before kicking a wire to the side, where it landed inconspicuosly in the koi pond, and rushing for the brown haired Jupiter.

They clashed, meeting in the middle of the yard, Jupiters fist smashing into his cheekbone and his own driving forcefully into her stomach. Blood spurted from his nose and her mouth as they sprang back, only to rush forward again and reverse their strikes, Ranma's fist slamming into Makoto's jaw and her daintier fist driving into his side, obviously bruising a kidney. Blood flew through the air again and settled, trickling down their faces, crimson lines tracking down their jaws.

The mad grins never faded for a second.

"Haaah... so... haaah... girl... ready to... give up... and die?"

"Heh... not... heh... on your... heh... life..."

"Well far be it from me... to sway you from a death you are so eager to greet!"

"Hah! I'll beat you into a grinning mush... and _make_ you accept my apology!"

"Not a chance in HELL!"

They sprang at each other once more, breathing back to normal, and Ranma accepted a painful kick to the ribs to grab her foot and launch her, gasping, towards the koi pond. Several koi were carried out of the pond by the wave and flopped, strangling, on the ground.

"Hotaru, the switch! Now!"

Hotaru blinked at the sudden command, but unquestioningly flipped the switch she was leaning against, wincing afterwards as the scream rang out from the koi pond and the entire yard filled with the smell of cooking fish. Ranma grinned as he flipped over to perch on one of the stones surrounding the koi pond, smirking down at the thrashin form under the electrified water.

He plunged his arm in, completely ignoring the crackling arcs of energy surging up his unprotected arm, and lifted the sorely beaten girl out of the deadly pond.

Of all times, her psyche chose now to give her another small fragment of the memory of her previous life, apparently triggered by the arcs of electricity surging up his arms.

_Flashback_

_Today was a good day for the princess of Jupiter, Iolanthe. She had been training, and her tutor said that perhaps by next year she'd be able to qualify for the tournament._

_"Aaargh!"_

_She blinked and made her way down the stairs, wondering what the commotion was about. She had heard that part of the tournament prize this year was a man, apparently a fine specimen, perfect husband material. She hadn't had the chance to take a look at him yet._

_"Raagh!"_

_"So stubborn..."_

_"Do you think he'll hurt himself? There's a lot of juice going through those bars."_

_"I think its cute how he refuses to give up."_

_Iolanthe ignored the idle chatter and gossip as she focused on its source, and had to catch her breath in astonishment. A fine specimen indeed, even with a huge current flowing through him and into the ground. So brave, even to touch the dangerous bars. So willful, refusing to release his hold on them even as his hair stood on end and it became obvious that the bars would not move, but he still attempted to exert his will upon them, oblivious to the pain._

_So perfect._

_She turned and headed, rather than back to her quarters to prepare to watch the tournament with her mother, to sign herself up into the games. She would win, because she would not let her prize slip away..._

_End Flashback_

Ranma shook her lightly, bringing Makoto swiftly back to reality.

"Now then... I believe you mentioned something about an apology for your crass and foolish attack upon my person earlier today?"

Makoto coughed as the pressure on her throat was released enough that the girl could force enough air into her semi-charred lungs to respond.

"Y... yes... I'm..."

Ranma shrugged and casually tossed her to slam against the wall and slide to the ground.

"Don't worry about it, girl. It actually happens rather more frequently than you might expect. I don't hold grudges... often."

She slumped to the ground, vision beginning to waver as the battle high wore off and left her feeling all the pain she'd ignored. Within moments, she had lost concsiousness and crumpled fully to the ground.

The smile, however, never left her face.

xxx

Hotaru didn't know why, but the fight seemed... wrong somehow. Like she should be in there, fighting alongside of... of who? Alongside the man she had been engaged to, and had decided to marry? Alongside the girl that she was sure she'd never met before today, but somehow felt a strange kinship to? Both? Neither?

Then the fight had ended, with the girl slumping against the wall and sprawling to the ground, and he had turned and their eyes met... and for one short moment, something primal urged her to flee before warmth spread through her body as he smiled, just for her, and the small voice was silenced. He paced forward and gathered her up into his arms, heedless of his ruined clothes and the blood yet trickling from the corner of his mouth, and drew her up into a passionate kiss.

At first she was shocked at his forwardness, unprecedented, as he had had no difficulty keeping himself to himself when he could have easily seduced her in bed... or just asked... and the oddly sweet flavor of his mingled blood and spittle, but after a moment her body began to melt into his embrace and...

He withdrew, flushing lightly.

"Ah... forgive me. The battle has stirred something in my blood. I feel the intense, burning urge to..."

He leaned in once more, crimson stained lips gently brushing against hers and...

Spluttered in shock as Nabiki flung a bucket of water at both of them.

"For god's sake you two, get a... room?"

All eyes turned to the pigtailed form that had shielded Hotaru. The first difference that was readily available showed through the pigtail itself, appearing slightly longer, an illusion because of its bearers sudden decrease in height. The second was the color, a brilliant fire-engine red, rather than the midnight blackness prior. Then he.. _she_... turned around and smirked at them, folding her arms under her chest and bringing her most obvious assets into a position that they couldn't be missed. Despite the fact that they were mainly hetero, they _had_ once in a while contemplated pitching for the other team, so to speak. And Hotaru...

Hotaru reached forward, eyes wide and slightly glassy, and poked lightly at Ranma's breasts.

"They're real... What? Did you think Genma was the only one that fell in the cursed springs? That's serious magic in that valley... if the springs want you, they'll get you. There's no escape... I simply hide it better than most. ...Eh? H-hotammph?"

Hotaru had leaned forward, slipping her hand inside Ranma's chinese shirt as their lips met, traces of blood still clinging to her tongue. Ranma flushed lightly as her delicate fingers began tracing around her nipples and began trailing down to slip under the tie of her pants, softly stroking...

"Ah... ah... Ho... Hotaru..."

Hotaru blinked, and her eyes suddenly came back into focus, leaving her slightly bewildered as to why she was pinning Ranma-chan up against the generator with her fingers up...

Her eyes widened and she jerked back a step, prompting a soft moan from the flushing girl from the sheer speed of her hand leaving its position.

"I... I... I... I-I-I think, maybe, you should... take a bath... Ranma? You're... all sweaty and... I think I have to lie down."

xxx

A dark cloud paused, unnoticed, floating above the scene of destruction. It had been there the entire time... watching, waiting for its opportunity to strike... but...

It seemed to shiver for a moment. Such pure, raw _power_... thousands of years ago, it had been imprisoned in that urn by Jupiter herself. Perhaps the Jupiter slumped against the wall was not yet at the height of her growth... but it was still disturbing for its intended target to have defeated even a half-grown Jupiter so easily.

Also there was the problem of the gender-shifting. While male, the target was indeed formidable, but as a female... The potential was there. Astronomical.

It had to find allies... swiftly.

The cloud gathered itself together and blew away, searching for allies. Once the target had been eliminated, it would be free... free to exact vengeance on all those who had imprisoned it! And then... it would take its rightful place, burrow to the depths of the earth to grow and devour this puny world from the inside out, gathering to itself the fossilized genetic data of every creature that had lived on this floating ball of cohesive dirt, before it expanded past the surface and spawned, sending hundreds of its brethren throughout the bounds of space.

As their kind had done since the beginning of time.

The Lavos-spawn whisked away on the wind, perhaps or perhaps not cursing the immateriality of its current form. Were it still whole, it was certain it could destroy all the impudent mortals at once. But were it whole, it would have long since begun the cycle towards the destruction of this planet for the sake of creating its spawn. A dilemna indeed.

xxx

Jadeite stared out over the infinite snowy wastes. Not that he had much of a choice. He was locked in the Eternal Sleep, and when the Senshi had destroyed his masters, Beryl and Mettalia, the Dark Kingdom had fallen, leaving most of the Youma to starve to death in the snowy wastes, leaving no remains but dust that was swiftly integrated into the swirling snow.

At the very least, it was slightly more entertaining than simply staring into darkness for eternity, as Beryl had planned to punish his failure. After so long trapped in the crystal, he had begun to question things he had never before considered, and came to the conclusion that Beryl had been a wasteful fool. She would send out a Youma with no more explicit instructions than to 'gather energy', and be surprised when they failed. They had never been trained for something like that. They had never been trained at all come to think about it. The only reason he was a general, rather than some lower class youma, was that he had gone through extensive military training before being taken into Metallia's dark fold. Then, at the end of the war, they'd simply sat down and stewed in their own juices, barely eking enough energy to keep them alive from Metallia's 'generosity'. There had been many speeches, angry rants about how the forces of the light would pay for this travesty.

But no preparation.

They simply sat, speaking rage-filled words, for thousands of years until one day, the spell itself weakened, allowing them to return to the earth that had originally bore them. But they had faded. Stagnated. Youma that could have easily matched and beaten down a senshi during the war were easily defeated by a group of untried, untested schoolgirls. New to their power, unaware of what their strength would one day grow to become. He had been baffled at the time as to how a trio of senshi, with only two useful attacks between them had managed to defeat him. HIM! In his heyday, he and the other generals could easily match two fully matured senshi at a time... the brats hadn't even learned their second attacks yet!

Then Beryl and Metallia fell, and it was as though a haze of confusion had lifted from his eyes. A ragtag band of Youma, rejected from reality itself for millenia, not even having used their powers since the days of the war... How could the girls have failed to win. But it brought something to mind. He had only begun to see clearly once Beryl had died. Had she... intended to fail? It seemed impossible... but made a strange sense. Every time someone had failed, no matter how close they had come to success... they were executed. Only the generals were spared that fate, by dint of excessive pleading and the fact that they were the only readily accessible males in the entire Dark Kingdom. That brough up another question... why were all the other Youma female? It seemed odd. But no matter. It was as though Beryl was playing an intricate game of chess with someone, and they and the Senshi were mere pieces. And Beryl had simply stopped caring whether she won or lost, was simply playing to end the game. Why else, when he had told her he knew the secret identities of the three senshi then, would she have struck him, calling him a fool. If he had struck at their homes, in their sleep, they would have won. The girls wouldn't have had time even to react. But no... it was when he'd brought that plan up that she'd declined and sentenced him to the Eternal Sleep.

Why would she do that? Even if, as she'd said, she no longer trusted _him_ personally to do such a thing, why not take the information from him and have one of the other three generals run the assassination? The only answer... was that Beryl was a true fool, which he doubted, but was possible... she had gone suicidal, which he also doubted, but did not discount... Or... she was being manipulated somehow, or had been replaced. These also were not likely, but were also not impossible. They were the most likely of a series of improbabilities though... Heh. He just wished he could get out of this prison and tell the cheerleader brats that someone had manipulated his queen, to serve as... as what?

The answer hit him, the same thing he was cursing his armies lack of. Training. _Training_! Someone had set up the entire Dark Kingdom to be destroyed as some sick and twisted form of training. He was sure the cheerleader girls would get a kick out of hearing that. If he could have breathed, he would have sighed.

Someone else did it for him.

"Well boss... nice night out, isn't it?"

Jadeite wanted to agree. He still didn't know why... why this one had stuck around. All the others had remained for a while, a week or two at most, in the hopes that with Beryl gone the spell cast on him would fail, giving the mob the leader they so needed. But the Eternal Sleep had proven truly to be just that. Eternal. One by one then two by two and then finally in droves they had left, scattering in every direction, choosing to take their chances with the devil hunters that semed to infest the larger hives of the humanity they, by nature, had to feed off of to live. After all, went the reasoning, better a swift death by a hunter's hand, than a slow one of starvation in the icy wilderness.

"It's so quiet... and empty. Were a weary traveler to find his way here even now, in the throes of hunger, would I wait and speak a while, simply to hear the sound of another's voice before I take what I must from him. A pity that no wanderer would trek alone, so far into the snow."

In her hunger, the Youma had begun to wax poetic, but he couldn't help but agree with her. Had she not been here, talking with him even when they both knew there was no way for him to respond, had he been left alone here, in the swirling snow and quiet wilderness... He would have long since gone mad. Every so often an animal more foolish than its arctic brethren would wander near, and she would suck it dry, converting even its flesh and bones to pure energy. It was barely enough to keep her alive, as the comparison between animal energy and human energy was like comparing a matchstick to a bonfire. The match would shed light and warmth for a time, but nowhere near long enough. The energy from animals was enough to patch up her reserves, but not enough to fill them.

"I think... I think I'm not going to last the night boss."

Despite his very nature, Jadeite felt like crying. He could see her, her skin paling from a healthy blue to a sickly pale tone, nearly white. Already he could see that for the past couple of days she had had trouble moving, showing that the starvation was beginning to take its toll on her skeletal structure. She lifted a hand, staring, fascinated, as the sickly off-white began fading to a pale grey, the last stage before she lost all molecular cohesion... turned to dust and blew away on the wind.

"What... What is this feeling? Is it... fear? Am I... afraid... to die? ... Yes. Yes, I am afraid. I don't... Will... Will it hurt... to die? I don't... I don't want to die, boss, I don't..."

He found himself fascinated by his emotions as the grayness spread, just fast enough to see. He wanted to rail at fate, to curse everything, to destroy all... for her. An insignificant servant class Youma. If she died... nothing mattered anymore. He wanted to break down, as she was, to weep for her. But he could not move, could not breathe, could not shed a single tear. It surprised him how much he wished to do so. It surprised him... that he would do anything... everything... simply for her sake, for her life.

_**"Would you? I could use one such as you. Would you really? Choose swiftly, she's fading fast."**_

His eyes, ever unblinking, caught a wisp of what appeared to be, but could surely not be, smoke, hovering a few feet away from the servant class Youma, whose skin was even now beginning to slowly crumble.

_**"I can stop it. I have slain several mortals on my path here, and their life energy remains as of yet untouched within me. I can save this servant, whom you value so highly, and foolishly... for a price."**_

The skin of her arms began to slowly slough off and crumble into the air. Her moans of pain and horror were more than enough. He'd never seen a Youma starve to death. She would NOT be the first.

_'Yes!'_ He thought frantically, hoping the thing understood him._ 'Yes, anything! My life, whats left of my soul, my arm in battle... all I have is yours if you can save her!'_

**_"... So be it. You... are MINE now."_**

The 'shedding' of her crumbling skin slowed to a halt, then reversed, shifting from grey to once again the lightest shade of blue. And that color her skin remained, as she shuddered and gasped with the energy flowing through her veins. He wondered why her skin had not returned to its natural shade, but remained as the finest alabaster.

_**"Side effects. After so long, that is her skins natural coloring now. It matters little. Now servant, COME TO ME!"**_

The crystal prison shattered.

xxx

A.N.

All right... wow... this chapter spun way off course. Hotaru-chan was way more agressive than I'd intended, and that last bit was so angsty... But I like it. I'll probably have to change the genre though... this isn't really turning out to be as much of a parody as I'd intended. Then again, sometimes it feels like the fics write themselves, through me.

Enough introspection! We have another cross in this chapter, first person to guess what and where, correctly, will be mentioned at the beginning of the next chapter! See your name in print... you know you want to. Also considering several more crosses and suchlike but nothing is finalized yet. Lots of ideas, but nothing specific, y'know?


End file.
